1. Make an A-LIST and B-LIST

As you and your daughter make the list of family and friends, put an “A” next to each person/family that you must invite to the wedding.  Put a “B” next to each person/family that you would like to add if there is room. Ask the family of the groom to do the same as well.

When you send out the wedding invitations, send them to the A-List first.  After you get the RSVP’s back, if there is room available, select some people from the B-List to send invitations to.

2. Decide if you are inviting children

Decide if you are including children or not.  If there are many young children in your guest list, you may want to arrange child care to be provided.

3. Add “Plus ones”

Remember to add a plus one for single guests that are in a serious relationship.  They will appreciate having their significant other with them at the wedding.

4. Set limits

 If you have some cousins that you have never met, you do not need to feel obligated to invite them just because they are related to you.  And you don’t need to invite ALL of your friends. People will understand, especially if you tell them you have a limited budget or space. Inviting them to the bridal shower can help ease some of the social anxiety about not having enough room at the wedding. Everyone was gracious and understanding when we explained the space limits of the venue.

5. Divide fairly

Ideally, you should divide the guests equally between the bride and groom’s families, but in both of our cases, the bride’s family was larger than the groom’s family. Plus, the bride, being more sociable and extroverted, had many more friends than the groom. In both situations, the groom was fine with that and allowed the bride to have more guests on her side.

6. Don’t pressure

As the mother of the bride, please don’t put pressure on your daughter to invite a bunch of your friends. Encourage her and her fiance to invite the people that matter to them the most. But it is nice for you to have at least a couple of your friends there that you can sit with and talk to during the wedding reception. My daughters were very considerate of this with me.

7. Send out Save-the-Dates

Regarding save-the-dates, since our first daughter had a quick wedding, with 6 weeks to plan, we emailed or texted the guests to save the date. Then the invitations went out a couple of weeks later.

With our second daughter, we did mail out a save-the-date card. She chose to have it on a magnet so that people could put it on their refrigerators. The guests thought that was fun and appreciated it.

8. Collect addresses

The mothers of the bride and groom can be especially helpful in gathering addresses of the relations for mailing out the save-the-dates and invitations. A spreadsheet is a great place to collect all of these addresses, as well as recording the RSVPs. You can also add a column to the spreadsheet to indicate whether the guests are on the A-list or B-list.

I have attached a link to a free spreadsheet that you can use to make the guest list for your daughter’s wedding. If you prefer to use paper, I have also made a pdf worksheet you can download. You’ll find the links at the end of the article.

9. Let go of guilt

My daughter felt guilty about not inviting some of her friends who had invited her to their wedding. She needed to let go of that guilt and respect the limitations of space for the venue. It was hard but necessary.

I also had to let go of my desire to invite some of my cousins and friends.  I needed to remember that the important thing was that my daughter was getting married. It’s not about throwing a party for all my friends and family.  We had to agree on some boundaries.

As mothers, we want to make everyone happy, but inevitably some people will be disappointed, and we can’t do anything about it.  We have to accept it, do the best we can, and let it go. At the end of the day, my daughter’s happiness mattered the most.  

RESOURCES

Look below for a free wedding guest list worksheet to help you with your wedding guest planning.  It also comes as an Excel spreadsheet if you prefer a digital version.

If you are planning this wedding during the Covid-19 crisis, please read this article when considering who to invite:
7 Steps for Changing Wedding Plans During a Pandemic

Feel free to leave any tips you have learned along the way in the comment section.