— Helping your daughter choose her wedding attire
— As you help your daughter plan her wedding, one of the things she will be most interested in is choosing her wedding dress and those of her bridesmaids. So, after determining the date and the venue, you two can focus on the exciting job of selecting the wedding attire. There will be many questions to answer.
- What dress is the bride going to wear?
- What accessories will she need?
- What will the bridesmaids wear?
- What about footwear?
- Will there be a flowergirl?
- What is the groom going to wear?
- And the groomsmen?
- Will there be a ringbearer?
If your daughter is asking for your help planning her wedding, one of the roles you can fulfill is to be her sounding board and guide as she shares her vision for the garb of the wedding party. Pictures of the wedding will be preserved in photographs for eternity, so the attire of those involved is an important decision.
This article will focus on how to help your daughter select the wedding gown and accessories. More posts will be coming soon about dressing the rest of the wedding party. 🙂
Disclosure: Some of the links in this post are affiliate links, meaning, at no additional cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through and make a purchase.
CHOOSING THE WEDDING GOWN
This will probably be top on your daughter’s mind. Here are some questions to talk about.
1. Is there a family wedding gown she would like to wear?
Please do not pressure your daughter into wearing your wedding dress, but you may certainly offer it as an option if it’s available. There may be other wedding gowns or accessories in the family that your daughter may be interested in wearing.
My mother loved her older sister’s gown and veil so much that she chose to wear the same one. Her younger sister chose a different dress, but wore the same veil. My sister wanted to carry on the tradition and asked if she could also wear the family veil.
Neither of my daughters were interested in wearing my dress or wedding hat. They said it was too 80’s!! It was worn as a costume for awhile when they were growing up, then I finally got it cleaned. I will probably end up just donating it so someone else can use it.
2. Who is going to pay for the wedding gown?
Traditionally, the bride or the bride’s family pays for the wedding gown. The cost of the wedding dress can vary widely, depending on if your daughter chooses a family heirloom for free, or finds a gently worn dress at a thrift store, or Etsy shop, or shops at a designer bridal shop.
My parents paid for my wedding gown and my sisters’ gowns, but both my daughters paid for their own, not wanting to add to our expenses. Of course this meant that I was not as involved with helping them choose their dresses.
My oldest daughter bought her dress at a vintage Etsy shop online. Since she was living several hundred miles away and we had a short time to plan, it was fine with me that she took care of putting her wedding outfit together. Due to the lack of time, we had to forego the traditional shopping together for the wedding gown.
Brides usually want to make their own choices when it comes to the wedding dress. As moms, we need to allow them the freedom to do that. When it was time for my second daughter to choose a wedding dress, we went together to David’s Bridal, bringing her grandmother and on the bridesmaids along to see her try on dresses. It was very nice to be included in the dress shopping, however she didn’t find a dress she was in love with there and wanted to keep looking. When she went to visit her sister in Louisiana, they went dress shopping and found the one she wanted, so she made the purchase there. I was a bit sad to not be there for the final choice, but I was grateful that they called me and sent me pictures to look at while they were shopping. Sometimes mothers have to let go and let their daughters make their own choices with their own timing. After all, it’s their wedding, not ours. 🙂
3. What is the budget for the wedding gown?
When you see the prices of wedding gowns, your jaw might drop to the floor. We are buying a dress here, not a car. This is for one day. Yes, it’s important for the bride to look and feel beautiful, but it’s also possible to find a wonderful dress without breaking the bank. According to The Knot 2017 Real Weddings Study, the average wedding dress cost in the US is $1,631, including alterations. My first daughter paid $500 for her dress. My second daughter paid about $1,000. If you watch Say Yes to the Dress on TV, those brides have budgets of closer to $10,000! Whoever is paying for the dress needs to decide what budget range they feel comfortable with.
4. Where should you shop for the wedding gown?
If your budget is on the smaller side, here are some suggestions for where to shop for a wedding dress:
Budget-friendly places to look for wedding gowns:
- Thrift stores – Wedding dresses often end up being donated to thrift stores and are priced in a range of $50 to $200. If you are on a tight budget, this is definitely worth looking into.
- Consignment shops – These will be priced a little higher than a thrift store, but you may come across a designer wedding dress at a great bargain.
- Amazon Prime – Believe it or not, Amazon carries many wedding dresses! Many of them are under $150! At that price, your daughter could pick out several, try them on at home, then return the ones that aren’t the right fit. If you go with this option, be sure you have a full length mirror for her to see herself in.
To see some of the wedding dress choices from Amazon, click here.
- Etsy.com – If you are looking for a vintage dress, Etsy is a great place to look. Just enter “vintage wedding dress” in the search box. Remember to take measurements carefully and read reviews before making a purchase.
- Fabric stores – Stores, such as Joann’s, carry patterns for wedding dresses, along with the fabric, lace, and notions to sew beautiful dresses. If you or your daughter like to sew, this is another option for an inexpensive wedding gown. If you don’t sew, you could consider hiring a friend who does or looking for an experienced seamstress. My sister had her wedding dress made to order by a local seamstress and it turned out beautifully.
We had a friend in college who sewed her own dress, her bridesmaid dresses, and the flower girl’s dress! She even crocheted the lace for her gown herself! I don’t know how she found the time, but it saved her a lot of money and made the wedding extra special!
- Wedding Swap Sites – Many brides are willing to sell their wedding dresses in order to recoup some of the money they invested into their wedding. If you know what style you are looking for, and take careful measurements, your daughter may be able to find the dress of her dreams at a big discount. If it’s slightly big, you can always have the dress altered to fit just right. Here are some sites to check out:
- The clearance rack of local bridal shops – Sometimes the local shops will put dresses on clearance that are being discontinued. This is how I got my wedding dress. Be sure you are firm about your budget when you walk into a bridal store, because they will often try to convince your daughter to try on dresses that are above your price point.
If she does try on dresses above the budget, try to help her have the mindset that this shopping trip can be just to figure out what kind of style she likes. She can put a dress on hold, then keep looking to find a dress in a similar style at a more affordable price.
5. What accessories will the bride need?
6. Will the dress need alterations?
More often than not, a dress off the rack will need some tailoring in order to fit properly. Unless you bought it at a bridal shop, you will probably need to find someone to do the alterations for you. Be sure to find someone who comes highly recommended to protect the investment you made in the dress! Ask your friends, Facebook or Angie’s List for referrals. Schedule the alterations well in advance of the wedding. Many seamstresses are heavily booked and you want to make sure you get on her calendar in plenty of time before the wedding.
7. Where will you store the dress until the wedding day?
Tradition says don’t let the groom see the dress until the big day! Many brides store their wedding gown at their mother’s home, so you may well have the honor of keeping it safe for her. Keep it covered in a long hanging bag to keep it clean. You can put all the accessories in a pretty tote bag to hang around the hanger so everything stays together.
8. How do you get the wrinkles out?
After being in a garment bag for a length of time, the dress may have acquired some significant wrinkles. I recommend getting a handheld steamer to smooth out the wrinkles before the wedding day. Steamers are much easier to use than ironing boards when it comes to dresses with yards and yards of fabric!
I recommend that you not wait until the morning of the wedding to steam the entire wedding dress! It can take some time and there will be a million other things to do. Get the dress out a day or two before the wedding. Hang it from a high curtain rod or put it on a dressmaker’s dummy while you steam out all the wrinkles. Perhaps one of the bridesmaids can help the bride with this task. On the wedding day, you can just do the final touch-ups.
CONCLUSION
Little girls often love to dream about their wedding day and what their wedding gown will look like. Sometimes they like to dress up like brides, using hand-me-down tutus and scarves. Now your little girl is all grown up and choosing her own wedding gown. As mothers, it’s our role to offer our help and advice, but also be willing to step back and let our daughters fulfill that lovely dream in whatever way makes them happy.
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Disclosure: Some of the links in this post are affiliate links, meaning, at no additional cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through and make a purchase.
